The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
did i walk over a car last night?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
