you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
