I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
