Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
