don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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