I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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