And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
