one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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