there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize