So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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