watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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