I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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