I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
