you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize