I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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