I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize