Can i not drive my cunt home
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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