I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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