Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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