So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
