If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Fuck appropriateness.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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