also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
