Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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