They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
