I wish i was in the wii world.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
