After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
