I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
