FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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