The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
