we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
