when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
