i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
