took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
