took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
