One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
