I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
