You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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