One girl and one boy is just not enough.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize