I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
