That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
