Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
