im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
