i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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