I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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