Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
