Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize