Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
