Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
