first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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