So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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