This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
50% drunk capacity currently
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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