think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I want to have your abortion
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
