Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize