I think scott just propositioned me for sex
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
