i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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