Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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