He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
