oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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