he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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