Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
