The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize