how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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