WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
