Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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