Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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