All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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